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The Dentist

August 18, 2010
School dentist examining a school girl in the ...
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It’s not just me who is having a hard time coming up with stories. My local news station, KARE, reported on a Wisconsin man who was stopped in his car by police because he was changing clothes while driving. He had been to the state fair and was sweaty. He was given a warning. This is such a non story I can’t even find a link to it.

Onward.

Monday I took the kids to the dentist. A routine visit for cleaning. My son has spent the last two years doing the braces thing so he had no trouble opening wide and having a bunch of fingers and instruments in his mouth. My daughter, on the other hand, did.

I didn’t tell her we were going to the dentist until the day before the appointment. I remembered well the eye doctor appointment and how that caused her all kinds of anxiety days before the actual appointment. I don’t know why she freaks out about going to the doctor. Aside from her normally scheduled vaccinations, most so long ago she can’t recall them, she hasn’t been poked or prodded by anyone in the medical profession. Even when she shoved a straw through her upper pallet they didn’t do anything but take an X-Ray. She comes from a family full of doctors and nurses, there is no reason for her to fear anyone in the medical profession. And yet she is terrified.

The drive to the dentist was easy enough, it was only half a mile, but once we sat in the waiting room she got all quiet. When the technician came to bring her back to the exam station she started to hyperventilate.

I knew this would happen so I scheduled my routine cleaning for another time so I could sit with her to try to calm her down.

That didn’t work.

She sat in the chair and started crying. She kept asking if they were going to hurt her. Like they’d tell the truth if they were. When the technician tried to put the bib on her she started screaming. Loudly enough that the other patients were beginning to get nervous.

I tried to calm her down by talking calmly and lovingly to her. I explained this was just a cleaning (silent prayer that there were no cavities but who was I fooling?) and that if she just lay back and opened her mouth it would be over before she knew it.

Louder screams as the lowered the chair.

Another tech came in the room with pictures of her last visit. My daughter had been given a face mask and gloves at the last visit and was pretending she was a doctor, she looked like she was having a good time.

Nothing but more screams.

The technician kept telling my daughter that if she didn’t calm down I would have to leave.

Seriously!?

I wasn’t ready to leave. I had to protect my baby, or at least give her comfort while terrified.

The technician had balls of steel and told me in no uncertain terms that I had to leave the exam room.

I grabbed a few Kleenex and reluctantly left the room. I went down the hall do see how my son was doing.

He was doing just fine and told me to leave.

I walked down the hall, listening to my daughter scream, and sat down in the waiting room.

Alone.

So I did what any single mom would do and I texted her dad to tell him all about the screaming.  The dentist is a family friend of her dad’s family, I just thought he should know what was going on and misery loves company. Her dad called within seconds and said he would talk to her to calm her down. Like that was going to help. I told him I had it under control (from my perch in the waiting room) and that she had to learn to deal with this on her own. No more enabling, we had to start some tough love.

A few minutes later she walked into the waiting room and hurried into the bathroom.

“She’s stalling” said one of the technicians, but not the one with balls of steel.

The tech explained that they were finished, they were not able to get X-Rays however, because she couldn’t handle the thingmabobs in her mouth. Those suck and I can understand but I really wanted X-Rays because I wanted to know if her two front teeth were ever going to grow in. It’s been nine months since she lost the first one and seven since the second one. I’m tired of cutting her corn off the cob.

The dentist wasn’t willing to try to get X-Rays. They didn’t see any problem with the teeth taking so long to come in so they weren’t going to go through another screaming fest. They had other patients they needed to see and they didn’t want to scare any away.

Here is the irony, the daughter who has to be reminded to brush and floss (and sometimes mom forgets) had no cavities. None. The boy on the other hand, the one who has been brushing and rinsing and doing all the right things has six. Six! Thankfully two are on his wisdom teeth which are coming out next month.

We go back for another cleaning in six months.

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Ten Things I Hate About You

March 15, 2010

men who leave the toilet seat up

I was asked to write a guest post about the top ten things men do that drive women crazy. I came up with the standard ones, leaving the toilet seat up, farting, hands down their pants, that kind of thing, but I couldn’t come up with ten and my post went horribly in the wrong direction. The post was rejected and I was given a different topic to write about.

Since I do not live with a man anymore, at least not at present( and the 17 year old boy doesn’t count because I am raising him not to do those things, though he does anyway), I wasn’t able to come up with any more than those three or four. And they all seemed really petty to me now, though they did drive me crazy then.

But I wonder what things men and women do that drive each other bonkers.

Here is the original post:

There have been a million articles written about the things men do that irritate their women. We all  know that leaving the toilet seat up, clipping their nails anywhere but the bathroom, spending the weekend on the couch with their hands down their pants and performing  Dutch Ovens are things that drive women mad. Which is probably why men do these things.

Let’s face it, men, specifically married men, have gotten a bad rap in the last decade or so. They are usually portrayed as big dumb oafs on sitcoms and television commercials.  They stumble through life not knowing what to do. Thankfully they have their smart wife to steer them through life’s challenges.

I’m not going to perpetuate that myth. I love men. I do. And my track record of two marriages and two subsequent divorces proves it. At present I have been single just long enough to appreciate all the great things about men.

Now that I am single I have to kill all the icky things myself. If a toilet gets backed up I have to plunge it out. My last ex husband was a phenomenal cook, I ate well when I was married. So what that he couldn’t put a dish in the dishwasher to save his life, I had a three course meal prepared for me every day we were together.

If something needed repairing my guy could do it. Sure I had to nag all the time but isn’t that what he wanted me to do?

Even though I am divorced I haven’t lost the ability to look and act pathetic when something goes wrong. I can convey that ineptness over the phone and my ex husband will come over and fix just about anything. As long as I have cold beer in the fridge.

Not too long ago I was given a glimpse of what a great guy my ex husband really is. I was having surgery and he offered to hang out at the hospital and wait to see that I was okay. He took the day off of work, drove me to the hospital, waited for hours while they prepped and performed the surgery and then waited in recovery with me while I came off all the drugs they used to put me under. He didn’t even bring a video camera to capture all the bizarre things I was saying.

It gave me great comfort to know that someone was out there waiting for me, that someone cared enough about me to take a day off of work and watch game shows while I had surgery on my girlie parts.  He wasn’t obligated to do any of that. When he stopped at the drugstore on the way home to pick up the necessary feminine protection products and purchased them himself, I was reminded of what a great guy he really is.

We women forget that about our men. We complain to our girlfriends that all they do is hang out in the garage, go fishing with their friends, never spend enough time with us, never stroke our egos enough and all those other top ten things they do to irritate the hell out of us. When they do the little things like buying tampons or plunging out that backed up toilet we often take it for granted.

I’d take nail clippings and Dutch Ovens any day.

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Ex#2 Kids

How To Text Message Properly

February 24, 2010
text message between mother and son

Do you text, or txt, message? If you are under the age of 30 you probably do and don’t think twice about it. If you are over the age of 30 you probably struggle a bit with the whole thing.

I do text message. Reluctantly. I don’t really like to but in some cases it is the only way to communicate with people in my little world. My son has a cell phone but the school scrambles the phone lines during classes. They aren’t able to do the same with text messaging. So if I want to get a message to him during the day I have to text him. Ex#2 is not allowed to talk on his phone during work so I also have to text him if I need to get a message to him. My brother just prefers to use text messaging so if I want to talk to him I have to text him to call me.

I am one of those people who writes out every word in a text message. This is probably why I don’t care to do it all that often. typing with one or two fingers on a tiny little screen takes patience and concentration, two things I lack.

Today I had to text Ex#2 to remind him to take our daughter to an after school activity.

Me: Will you take M to her music lesson today after school? Let me know, thanks, J

His response: k

Just “k”. Presumably that means “okay” but who knows, he could have hit the keypad incorrectly and sent it off on accident. Not likely but you never know. This is my baby and I want to know that she is “k” at all times. I don’t think communicating in English is such a bad thing. Lord knows her father and I don’t communicate all that well to begin with so I don’t think I am asking too much.

Of course I am, that’s probably the biggest contributing reason we are divorced, we are not able to communicate, but I can always hope can’t I?

My son is a different story altogether. I text him something in full English and he knows he must respond the same way or I will not respond to his text messages in the future. I have taught him well, if I do say so myself.

Me: Did you hand in that note I gave you to the office today?

Him: Yes, mom. I did it as soon as I arrived to school.

Me: Thank you, honey.

Him: You are welcome, mother.

There might be a little sarcasm in his text messages but since I can’t hear his tone of voice I am assuming he is just a lovely and polite son.

He doesn’t text this way to his friends. He is bilingual.

Him: r u driving 2 robotics?

Friend: no rn’t u?

I can’t even make a decent example of real text messaging. My fingers and my brain just won’t get on the same page, but you get the drift.

I know why I can’t text like a teenager. I’m not one. I learned how to type in 7th grade with all the other girls in my class. Boys didn’t need to learn how to type since they would have women to do that for them. I type faster than I think. This should be obvious if you have read any of my posts or comments. I get ahead of myself and if someone talks to me while I am typing I have to hit the backspace key until I find where my thoughts were interrupted.

In my head I can’t make the switch to text messaging lingo. I can’t say R when I mean “Are”.

I blame Prince and his Revolution for this. He started using U instead of “you” decades ago. His song “I Would Die for U” is probably the first record of text messaging making it into everyday language, and we didn’t even have text messaging back then.

Damn you Prince.

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Events Ex#2

Just in Time for Christmas…Holiday Depression

December 11, 2009

I was blazing through the season.  I put up my lights and started decorating the house for the holidays, I watched animated Christmas specials from the 70’s with my six year old, and enjoyed them more than she did. I baked and baked.

And then I hit the wall.

I don’t know what happened except that the reality of the season probably took over.

I start out each holiday season the same. I have high hopes, I believe.

I watch Lifetime holiday specials. And I never watch Lifetime.

You know the kind of movies I’m talking about. The hapless single (usually widowed) mom who manages to have a successful career going but has been unlucky in love. Somehow a stranger ends up at her doorstep a few days before Christmas. She takes him in (she is a successful businesswoman with the common sense of a fruit fly of course), and he ends up cooking wonderful meals for her and her young son (who just needs a guy around to make his life perfect), fixing her German car when it breaks down in the middle of traffic (all the while she is telling him that she can handle it herself), and looking great the whole time.

Eventually (Christmas Eve) they fall in love and live happily ever after.

I hate these movies.

But I watch them anyway.

I watch them because I figure maybe I am doing something wrong and I can learn from these movies.

So far no stranger has knocked on my door, if one did I would let him in and show him to my kitchen and then introduce him to my truck and my kids.

But so far no man, studly or not has knocked on my door looking to change the life of a single mom.

I am the Charlie Brown of the holiday season.

I have received three Christmas cards. One from my aunt, one from my brother (who couldn’t even bother to sign the photo he sent) and one from my paper delivery person (with a conveniently enclosed self addressed envelope).

I understand that Christmas cards are like blog comments. If I want them I have to send them out, the year before.

Last year sucked(there are too many posts to highlight from last year but it culminated in my washer, dryer, furnace and dishwasher breaking down in about three days time and I was severely broke. I think a toilet overflowed flooding the basement too. It really sucked)  and I never got around to sending out Christmas cards so I have been axed from everyone’s list.

Which really sucks because it took me years to recover from no cards after each divorce.

I’d been sending out cards to people who dropped me, family included, for three years trying to recoup the amount of holiday cheer I used to receive. And I was there last year when all hell broke loose and I dropped the ball.

I still haven’t sent out my cards this year because I’m not really sure who to send them to. Do I continue to send them to people who don’t send them to me? Do I start using the phone book, choosing random people in the hopes that I haven’t sent them too late this season so I get some back?

I don’t know.

So I sit here and watch Fargo. I am watching Fargo because Armageddon is not on tonight ( a sure sign of the apocalypse). I love the movie Fargo. I don’t need any translation, I speak Minnesotan.

In an unrelated aside, the CEO of the company I used to work for in Seattle used to hang out by my desk and talk to me because he loved Fargo and couldn’t get enough of the accent.

If I see one more commercial for Kay Jewelers (which I am sure I will) I am going to go postal. Not that it would make any difference since I am alone when I see these commercials and unable to go postal on anyone but the dog and he doesn’t deserve that.

But they piss me off.

So do the car commercials this time of year.

Does anyone really buy someone else a car for Christmas?

If so I have been doing it way wrong.

I’ll get over this. Tomorrow I am going to get a tree with my daughter and my ex#2. It sounds like a great way to spend the day. Tree farm, six year old who complains about everything and an ex spouse. Oh and it’s really cold.

I’m grateful that the ex will do all the heavy cutting and heavy lifting. Once it’s in the house, however, he will take off and I will be left to get the boxes of ornaments down from the attic, untangle the lights and after the novelty wears off for my daughter, left to decorate the damn tree alone.

I will get through this, around the day after Valentine’s Day of next year.

I can always watch Die Hard, it’s a great holiday film, Bruce Willis has hair, and they don’t talk with a funny accent.

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Meet the Family

December 1, 2009

Some of you may have noticed that I rarely have pictures on my blog. I take pictures and I even upload them to my computer however I have yet to organize them and label them with names and dates (I know, big surprise).

After two years of writing about them I thought it might be nice if you had some faces to put to the characters. I say characters because if you hadn’t noticed I haven’t named anyone but the dog before.

Without further ado I introduce to you my family:

Alex is the only non redhead in the family. Until he started dyeing it that is.

Alex and his cousins who love each other dearly

Alex and his cousins. There is a shot of the three of them just before this picture was taken where they are all hugs and smiles. I don't know who set it off, probably the middle one.

Alex on his big boy bike

Alex on his big boy bike. This is Ex#2's bike, we had just started dating. Alex had just broken his finger for the second time while out with his dad (ex#1).

Help

Help. My mother bought this tutu for Maddie. She did so because when I was her age my father bought one for me. I have a picture of it somewhere. My mother thought every little redheaded girl needed a pink tutu. My brother's daughters all got one too. Maddie is the only one who still wears hers. All the time.

Stop taking pictures of me

This is Stanley, the Bassador. Dumb as a box of rocks.

Mmmmm bagel and cream cheese

Mmmmm bagel and cream cheese. She still eats this way.

Mmmm spaghetti

Mmmm spaghetti. See. Messy Maddie. That's the Sponge Bob blankie which is just about to retire for good.

Alex and his hair

Alex and his hair. Luckily this phase has passed. But not before he learned how to dye it different colors.

Harley Girl

Same bike, that's ex#2 on the right, ten years later and instead of dating we are divorced but he's still hanging out in my backyard for some reason.

#62

#62 That's my baby. Tallest kid, longest hair.

Still not out of the hair phase but getting close

Alex and his girlfriend of two years. They've been dating longer than most of my marriages.

It's a little snowman

This was back in September. We haven't had a bit of snow since then. Weird, must be global warming.

Alex, Mom and Maddie '07

Alex, Mom and Maddie '07

I am the official picture taker in our family and there are only three pictures of me because of it. This is the only picture I have of all three of us together.  The boy has cut his hair so it is just below his ears, he is now a lean mean fighting machine and probably another two inches taller. He isn’t nearly as bored as he looks here. Daughter can still wear this dress but it is a tad on the snug side and a little short to be worn in mixed company. I was trying something different with my bangs at the time of this picture.

I hope you enjoyed meeting everyone.

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How Big Is Your Condom?

October 26, 2009

largecondom

Today I stopped at Walgreen’s to pick up a prescription.

I have a thyroid disorder, I take a synthetic hormone replacement. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease when I was 18 or 19. The dose has rarely changed except after the birth of each of my children. I take one pill each morning and never think about it again.

When I stopped at Walgreen’s to pick up my Rx I was told that my doctor had denied my refill. No explanation just flat out denied. Both the pharmacist and I thought this was strange. She checked all my information and it was correct. I was not due to visit my doctor for any tests so this was rather strange until she mentioned the name of my doctor. Wrong doctor. This explains why the medication was denied. Apparently last time it was refilled my doctor was not in the office and another doctor okayed the refill. Why the current refill was not passed along to my doctor I don’t know and after last week I don’t really care. The refill was resubmitted and the pharmacist gave me a few pills to get by until the doctor okayed the refill.

But that isn’t what I’m talking about today.

While I was waiting for the pharmacist to gather my meds I browsed around a bit. I was over by the shaving cream section and noticed by the men’s grooming products there were condoms for sale. This was not the condom section just a little suggestive selling on the part of Walgreen’s. As in “Hey, you’re going to shave why not get some Magnum condoms while you’re at it?”

I have to wonder how many men buy the Magnum condoms because of wishful thinking? And how many pregnancies were caused because it slipped off due to poor fit.

32I’m no expert but most guys are average. Ex#1 had extra length, painfully long, but disappointing girth. Ex#2 was average on length and girth. Both were convinced they were hung like horses. They weren’t. I went out with a guy for a few years who was. Too bad he was lacking in most every other quality. I also went out with a guy who must have been using steroids because it was hard to find. And to look at the guy you would have thought he was in the horse league. He was a nice guy, a little on the clingy side, which was the nail in the coffin. I could make due, reluctantly, with his shortcomings but the clinginess was too much.

So, if you are a guy, do you buy condoms because they are large, regardless if you need large ones, or do you buy the size that fits? Is finding your condom size like getting a bra fitting? Does the manager from the drug store take you to a back room, pull out a tape measure and ask you to drop trough? I really need to know.

*You could have posts like this automatically if you subscribe to my feed.

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Ex#2 Things I Really Like

Thank You

September 26, 2009

Thank you to everyone who left a comment, donated to my site, sent an email or called me on the phone. I can’t tell you how much your support means to me.

The situation with my ex is no different but I did force him to empty his wallet and give the contents to me. I am now $43 richer. That money was used immediately to buy groceries for my kids lunches. He still doesn’t get it, in fact he can’t believe I took his last dollar, because I am usually such a pushover, but I stood my ground, even if I was shaking the whole time, and I feel stronger for it.

I am working with legal aid to get the situation resolved or at least altered. I will keep you posted.

My email was flooded with wonderful suggestions, and only two of them were MLM scams. Those people have been banned from my site for eternity and if they attempt to visit my site the flying monkeys will descend on them and tear their limbs off. They were warned.

I have not yet looked at all of the suggestions but there are two that I wanted to tell you about since there were so many people who asked that if I did learn anything if I would share it with them. Misery really does love company and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one in this sinking ship.

Here are the two that I have checked out and that have actually earned me a little bit of money in the last few days. Not gobs of money but something and that is a start.

The first one is called Likaholix. Likaholix is a social networking site much like Twitter or Facebook with a little twist. You load in your likes and they give you recommendations for other things to like. By following the recommendations you meet other people with similar likes. It’s a bit more complicated than that since it was created by two former Google gurus. In addition to the networking aspect of the site they also have contests, loads of contests with prizes such as $200 in cash, $200 in gift certificates, and smaller cash prizes. In addition to the cash prizes they will also donate 20 lbs of carbon offset (whatever that means) in the name of the winner. The best part of this is that if you sign up friends you get $3 for each person you sign up. Pretty cool huh? You can sign up here and help me earn $3.

The other site worth mentioning is IM Report Card. I love this one because it is a service where people like you and me rate services, products, people and business opportunities. I have seen a lot of scams and the only way I knew if they were scams is by Googleing them. Often the business opportunities that are scams have seeded the internet with good reviews knowing that people are going to try to check them out. IM Report Card has thousands of reviews of everything under the sun. If you are considering any kind of internet business service check here first. What’s even better than the service that IM Report Card provides is that the person who reviews the product or service earns points. You get tons more points for being the first person to review the product or service. The points can be exchanged for cash paid out through PayPal. I spent ten minutes on the site when I signed up and earned $2. That’s $12/hour and I was still trying to figure it out. You can sign up here at IM Report Card.

These are just two of the suggestions of the many that were sent to me. As I investigate more I will tell you about them.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their support and prayers. Several days ago I was talking to a friend. We were discussing the Biggest Loser and the woman who is on this season who lost her whole family in a car accident. I told my friend if anything happened to my kids I’d probably just end it all. I just don’t have the desire to go on if anything happened to them. My friend said that she doubted I would do that since I had already survived the death of a child. My response, having buried my child and being divorced twice, and knowing how people react to those kinds of things was that I didn’t think there would be anyone to catch me when I fell and that I wouldn’t have any reason to go on. She said she thought I might be surprised to find out who would catch me. Granted I was OTR, pissed at my ex and scared to death of how I was going to pay my bills, feeling pretty much on my own. It’s nice to know that all of you were here to catch me. I can’t thank you enough.

Ex#2

I am Fucked

September 23, 2009

Actually I have been fucked except without the benefit of an orgasm which considering I was fucked by my ex husband is really no surprise.

I hate people who lie.

For the last several months my ex has been telling me that his former employer had garnished his paycheck for the monthly child support he owes. This happened last year, causing all sorts of financial problems, but he was sincere in that it was the employer who was at fault. It took four months to get resolved. This time around he has been telling me that the wages were garnished and it was just like last year. Because of this I have not bothered to pester him (all that much) to get it resolved since presumably he already met his obligation. I was willing to wait it out as it would get resolved when it caught up with the employer. I won’t go into what the employers responsibilities and rights are but they have about 90 days from the time they are notified of a child support obligation to the time that they have to actually submit it.

Today I found out that his employer had not garnished his wages.

Which means that even though they are in a heap of trouble with the state and will be fined they don’t have any of his money that is due to me. So the 90 days means nothing. I have borrowed against this money that was due me, in desperation, so now not only do I have no money coming in I owe money on the money that is not coming in. I would not have done something so foolish as take a loan against the money if I knew it was not coming to me. But of course I was lied to.

My creditors don’t care.

I will contact the attorney I used during my divorce to see if I can sue the bastard for the $12k in arrears that he owes me. I already have a pretty good idea that yes I can sue and I will win a judgment but getting him to pay it is not likely. He’s been carrying the $12k in arrears for several years but has been making the monthly obligation for a couple of years, he just wasn’t paying any of the support that he refused to pay for the first three years we were divorced. It’s really confusing I know. The cost of the attorney which I cannot afford anyway prohibits me from going after the asshole since I already know I will not be able to collect from him.

When I learned of all of this today, after my panic attack, I went online to see about food stamps. Seriously, I am so fucked I need to get food stamps. I just spent my last $2 on milk. I never thought this day would come in my wildest dreams but after all my jobs drying up this spring and so far not even being able to find employment at the local fast food chain, it is here. Guess what? I’m not eligible for food stamps unless I have another kid and I can’t do that anymore.

I need your help.

No, I don’t want you to donate or click on anything, I don’t want ideas on how to string up the ex and disembowel him (okay, maybe I do just a little) but I do want to know if any of you are making any kind of income on the Internet and how you do it.

I know people do earn a living online but I haven’t figured out how it works and would really appreciate a hint or two. I actually contacted John Chow last week and asked him for his help. He makes gobs of money on his website and I thought he could show me how to do it with this site. I offered to document everything so that he could use it as a series or book or whatever he wanted. He politely declined. He said he had already done just that with another person and all they had to do was follow the instructions in his free ebook. Which he has already given to me. I read his book and it has a wealth of knowledge and advice that I am sure works the only problem is I don’t know what he is talking about, I don’t speak geek as well as I thought I did. I’m not knocking John Chow, he was very nice and I was thankful that he even answered my rather long winded email. I just don’t know how to do what his book says.

I’d probably understand his ebook better if I weren’t in such a panic and the phone wasn’t ringing off the hook with creditors. That of course will resolve itself next week but then I won’t be able to read the book on my computer much less do anything on my computer.

If anyone knows how to do this and can explain it to me using small English words I would be grateful. If anyone knows of any job out there I would love to hear about it. There is no job that I wouldn’t take.

I know I have opened myself up to all sorts of MLM and shit like that. If I get one link to that kind of shit I may just go postal. I’m looking for real work not some pie in the sky bullshit. I’ve already checked every single one of those scams out and I can’t afford them anyway.

If you don’t know how to do any of this could you say a little prayer?

Ex#2

A Hypothetical

April 23, 2009

Here’s a hypothetical question for you all. I’d really like to hear from the guys on this one because I am perplexed.

There’s this ex husband #2 (ok, so it isn’t really hypothetical) he was laid off a couple of weeks ago and the prospects in this area are not very good. He has been given an opportunity through his union to go to Vegas to work possibly until January.

I have no problem with him going, I think he should go where the jobs are.

I do have a problem with him just dumping everything in my lap. Specifically what he intends to do about the time he is supposed to be with his child, the daughter.

This is not the first time he has left the state to work, during our two year long divorce he left the state for at least a year to work. The daughter was much younger then, obviously.

I asked ex #2 to fix my broken water pipe last week. My brother had already said he would do it but he never does those kinds of things for me so I wanted to cover all bases. Ex#2 also owes a boatload in back child support since he didn’t bother to pay it for the first two years we were separated and divorced. Just for the record I was a stay at home mom when he walked out. He did not want the daughter in daycare and did not want me to work. Crazy since he wasn’t all into paying child support and it is hardly enough to live on anyway. I don’t know what he was thinking and I still don’t get it but it is water under the bridge now except for the arrears.

Back to the pipe. He said he would fix the pipe if I paid him or I gave him a boat motor that is at the cabin. Apparently he has a boat and needs a motor. The motor at the lake hasn’t been used in a while which is why he asked for it. I have no idea what the motor is worth but he figured $400.00. I told him no thanks. Maybe not in those words but close. When he borrowed my truck last year he got a parking ticket which he never paid, by the time I found out about it it was $75.00. He refused to pay it. I won’t even bother going into the why because it didn’t make sense to me that he could actually justify not paying it.

He called me at work to tell me about the Vegas thing. Later in the day he stopped by the house to drop off the girl’s backpack. He could have just left it on the porch but he waited for me to get home. He said he was planning on going and would be leaving in two weeks. I casually asked him what he planned to do about his weekends and midweek visits.

“Nothing” he answered.

I expected that answer but pressed on.

“What can I do?” he explained.

I tried to explain to him that while I understood he needed to go where the work was it would be nice if he at least humored me by saying something like “hey, I realize that this will be a challenge for you and that you will have to rework your schedule, and I really appreciate it“.

He just looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted a third eye.

January! No more weekends until January. He doesn’t get it. I know it sounds pissy and like I don’t want to spend time with my kid, but sometimes I like when they are gone. I can actually do Jen things. I also work on the weekends that he is with her so I asked how I was supposed to deal with that? He said he didn’t have an answer.

“So, I’m supposed to deal with it?” I asked.

I got that third eye look again.

He doesn’t understand what he is asking me to do. I don’t even know how to explain it to him. He went on and on about how his time was worth something and if he stayed here he’d go broke. I get that. I really do. But isn’t my time worth something?

He didn’t say no but he didn’t say it was either. I’m the mom and it’s my job to take care of the kids. I asked him what he thought my time was worth and he couldn’t come up with an answer. then asked if it was worth a broken pipe. And he said this:

“I’m happy to fix your stuff but I don’t get paid anything” (remember he owes me $12K) “If I fix your pipe I have to drag out my tools and bring them over here and then fix it and then put the tools back, it’s a pain in the ass” ( I just put my head in my hands at this point).

I’m not his wife anymore. I’m not getting sex, I’m not getting extra child support, I’m hardly getting what I’m supposed to get. Why is this my problem? I know it’s my daughter and I will handle it but is it so hard to even be a little appreciative and to at least fix things when they break?

Can one of you guys explain to me what is going in his head? If I am just being difficult I’d like to know. I really want to understand how he thinks. And yes he is one of those guys who thinks that the child support he does pay really just pays for my shoe habit or manicures. He has no idea what it costs to clothe, feed, pay for all the school activities, etc… I don’t want anything from him except an acknowledgment that what I am doing has some value, that while he is gone I am losing a very precious thing to me, time and maybe the comfort of knowing that when something breaks he will fix it without gouging me.

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Events Ex#2

9/11

September 10, 2008

In a few hours it will be the 7th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Center. Excluding the 19 hijackers, 2974 people died in the attacks. Another 24 are missing and presumed dead.

Seven years ago I was living in Osceola Wisconsin with my husband and my son. My husband and I had just gotten married two months before though we had been living together for four years before we got married.

I had slept on the couch the night before. My husband and I had not had a fight we just weren’t speaking to one another. We had a queen size bed and it wasn’t big enough as far as I was concerned.

I awoke, like any other day, and got my son fed and on the bus for school. I went back inside and took a shower. My husband and I had both taken the day off.

I turned on the Today show and grabbed a cup of coffee while my husband went into the bathroom to take a shower. I glanced at the TV as I was going outside to have a cigarette. A plane had just struck on of the Twin Towers. I didn’t stay to see what had happened. I figured a pilot veered off course and hit the building. I honestly didn’t give it a second thought.

I was too busy thinking about the ride into St. Paul, a 45 minute drive, with my husband. I wasn’t looking forward to the awkward silence that I knew we would both have to endure. We wouldn’t talk I was sure becuase we hadn;t talked about it yet and if history was any indication we wouldn’t talk about it. We would soldier through.

We were going to St. Paul because I had to go to the hospital for a minor procedure. At least that is how the doctors described it to my husband. I was going in for a D&C. I was 8 weeks pregnant but the baby had died. I had not miscarried on my own and the doctor wanted to go in and perform the procedure since it didn’t look like I was going to expel the fetus on my own.

I found out I was pregnant about a month after my husband and I got married. I wanted to have at least one more child. He said he did as well but wanted to wait a bit until we were more settled. I was surprised to learn I was pregnant since I had so much trouble getting pregnant with my son and because I was taking birth control pills. I was surprised to find out I was pregnant but I was elated too.

My husband was not. He did not respond the way I had hoped he would to the news though he did respond the way I knew he would. He accused me of trying to trap him. Which illustrated that I had obviously married someone who was not too bright. I had already bagged him so I didn’t know what good trapping him would do. He left the apartment when I told him I was pregnant. I don’t know where he went but I assume he went out to the piece of property we owned that we were planning on building our dream home on. He came around to the idea of being a father a couple of weeks later but he was still scared to death. At least he was trying.

When I found out a week or so later that the baby had no heartbeat I was heartbroken. I called my husband who made all the right noises but frankly sounded relieved. The doctor told me I might expel the pregnancy on my own but if I didn’t I needed to take another blood test in a week to confirm that indeed the baby had died. He needed that confirmation to do the procedure he explained otherwise it was considered an abortion and he didn’t perform them. He said if I didn’t want to wait a week he would give me a few names of doctors who performed abortions. This was not my first miscarriage and it would not be my last. I told him I would wait the week and see what happened.

Which brings us to the morning of 9/11. I finished my smoke and came back inside. My husband was still in the bathroom so I sat down and watched the TV. Katie Couric was still talking about the plane that had hit the tower. No one seemed to think that it was terrorists until another plane hit the other tower. I sat there stunned. Suddenly my little drama didn’t seem all that important. My husband came out of the bathroom and I told him what was going on. He reacted the same way I did when the first plane hit and went into the bedroom to get dressed.

He came out of the bedroom a few minutes later, grabbed a cup of coffee and told me we had to go if we were going to get there on time. We drove in silence, as I expected we would, but for the radio which was now broadcasting that the Pentagon had been hit as well. Before we made it into the cities the first tower had fallen.

“Oh my god!” I kept repeating it over and over. I couldn’t believe this was happening. There must be thousands of people in those buildings. There was so much confusion on the airwaves that it was hard to keep track of what was really happening.

We arrived at the hospital for the 45 minute procedure. We were told we wouldn’t be there any longer than two hours. After filling out paperwork the nurse gave me a gown and showed me where to change. I could wait in the waiting room with my husband. We sat there and watched as the other tower came crashing down.

Six hours later the nurse called my name. I followed the nurse to another room where my doctor was waiting with more paper work. He signed it and dated it. He then looked at me and circled the date. He had written 9-11.

“That is the international sign for emergency.” He said when he circled the numbers.

I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing and waited for the next stage of this bizarre day. I just really wanted to get out of there. I walked into the procedure room where they hooked me up to an IV. I was given something to help me relax but not to knock me out. The whole thing took minutes. My doctor described what he was doing as he did it. I was concentrating on not crying.

If I could make it through the whole ordeal without crying I would be okay. I didn’t want to start crying because I knew if I did, even a little, I wouldn’t be able to stop and I didn’t want my husband to see me cry. More importantly I didn’t want to cry in front of my husband and my doctor or the nurses becuase I knew my husband would just stand there with his hands in his pockets. I didn’t want to make a fool out of me and I didn’t want to make a fool out of him. I could handle it.

In post-op the nurse apologized for the long wait. She said that all the staff were waiting to see if they were going to New York to help with the wounded. She also said that it didn’t look like there were many wounded. She talked about how horrible it was and seemed to forget why she was helping me. She noticed my hair and said that I was lucky since I would probably have a baby with red hair. She had always wanted a red headed baby. I didn’t tell her that I didn’t think I would be having anymore babies. I did mention that my son was a toe head however.

I refused any drugs and the wheelchair ride to the door. I could walk just fine. My husband met me at the front of the hospital with the truck. We drove back in silence.

When I returned I buried myself in CNN. I watched in horror as they started listing the names of the people who were on board the airplanes. All presumed dead. I watched in horror as the news anchors described the thumping sound the bodies made as they landed on the ground. The jumpers. I was struck by the silence outside since all air traffic had stopped and it was silent except for the rare care driving along the interstate.

I stood outside in the silence and I cried. I cried for the victims of this horrible terrorist attack. I cried for their loved ones. I cried for our country that was no longer immune to these senseless acts of violence. It could indeed come to our shores. I couldn’t cry for my loss, I couldn’t cry for my baby. I would eventually but at that moment my problems were nothing compared to the people in New York and DC. After I cried I did something I hadn’t done in ages. I prayed.

Readers are welcome and encouraged to share their 9/11 stories in the comment section.

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Ex Husbands Ex#2 Kids

Optical Illusions

June 5, 2008
Optical Illusions

I recently had to explain optical illusions to my 5 year old daughter.  About a month ago my ex husband took down my daughter’s ceiling fan. The fan didn’t work and it needs to be replaced but when he took it down he discovered that there was no box and old knob and tube. He put in a box but has not rewired yet so there is a hole in my daughter’s ceiling with a metal box.

Last night, as she was settling down for bed, she thought she saw a bug on the door. She is afraid of bugs and called to have me remove it. She pointed it out on the door and upon inspection I showed her it was just a knick in the wood that had taken stain better than the rest of the door. She asked why it appeared to move and I explained it was an optical illusion. She then asked me what the shiny thing was in her ceiling. I explained it was the light from her bedside lamp reflecting off the metal of the box where dad had removed the fan.

“Oh, I thought I had a fairy”