Browsing Category

Dumb Shit I Do

Advice Blogging Dumb Shit I Do

100 Things You Can do to Make the World a Better Place

April 12, 2017
100 things you can do to make the world a better place

It’s chaotic out there. We’re all feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable and fragile. The world feels like a scary place right now, but it doesn’t have to be. These 100 Things You Can do to Make the World a Better Place can have a profound impact and they are something you can do, right now.  

Many of us feel powerless to change the world, but doing just one of these things has the power to impact someone greatly.

By doing just a few of these things – even just one, you have the power to change the world. You can make the world a better place, and it’s pretty easy to do.

Chaos Theory or Butterfly Effect  –  whatever you want to call it –  your actions can have a massive impact. So take a few moments out of your busy day to make the world a better place.

  1. Compliment each other.
  2. Hold the door open for the person in front of you or behind you.
  3. Say “Please” and “Thank you”.
  4. Breathe.
  5. Buy coffee for the person behind you.
  6. Take a day or two off from social media.
  7. Adopt a pet.
  8. Bathe regularly.
  9. Ask friends and family “How are you?”.
  10. Stop worrying about other people’s grammar.
  11. Tell a joke.
  12. Write a letter.
  13. Write a love letter.
  14. Take a walk.
  15. Listen to music.
  16. Take your nephew (or niece) to a movie.
  17. Be on time.
  18. Wear nice clothes.
  19. Use your blinker.
  20. Forgive someone.
  21. Forgive yourself.
  22. Tell someone they did a great job.
  23. Call your parents.
  24. Hug someone.
  25. Pick up after yourself.
  26. Assume everyone is doing their best.
  27. Eat more fiber.
  28. Tip well.
  29. Let people cut in front of you in traffic.
  30. Brush your teeth.
  31. Create a Bucket List.
  32. Call a friend.
  33. Eat together as a family.
  34. Take a nap.
  35. Meditate.
  36. Have a picnic.
  37. Buy new sheets.
  38. Quit smoking.
  39. Do what is right, not what’s easy.
  40. Take a risk.
  41. Read a book.
  42. Read another book.
  43. Learn a new language.
  44. Master the language you already know.
  45. Be open to new things.
  46. Try a new restaurant.
  47. Go back to school.
  48. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
  49. Stop comparing other people to other people.
  50. Practice gratitude.
  51. Dance.
  52. Get rid of the clutter in your life.
  53. Sing in the car, even if the kids complain.
  54. Accept that people are different.
  55. Write in your journal.
  56. Start a journal.
  57. Eat ice cream.
  58. Take responsibility for your life.
  59. Consider your purpose.
  60. Look at old photographs.
  61. Eat an apple.
  62. Make your bed when you wake up.
  63. Drink more water.
  64. Day dream.
  65. Make new friends.
  66. Try yoga.
  67. Sleep naked.
  68. Color in a coloring book.
  69. Pray.
  70. Have drinks with friends.
  71. Go to a drive-in movie.
  72. Get up an hour earlier.
  73. Go to be and hour earlier.
  74. Ignore petty grievances. 
  75. Plant a tree.
  76. Reconnect with old friends.
  77. Watch old movies.
  78. Plant a tree.
  79. Volunteer.
  80. Talk to a toddler.
  81. Plan a roadtrip.
  82. Catch a sunset.
  83. Go to the beach.
  84. Eat dessert first.
  85. Tell a joke.
  86. Go to the library.
  87. Get a mani/pedi.
  88. Sleep naked.
  89. Clean your space.
  90. Share more.
  91. Tell someone you love them.
  92. Tell yourself you are worthy of love.
  93. Hang out at a book store.
  94. Help your neighbor with yard work.
  95. Turn off the news.
  96. Read the paper.
  97. Watch a plane land.
  98. Walk away from an online argument.
  99. Quit the job you hate.
  100. Go after your dreams.

101. Bonus – Share this. If each person does one thing from this list, the world will be a better place.

 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do Music politics Things I Really Like

Thanks President Trump

April 3, 2017
record albums from the 80s

Thanks President Trump. Because of you, I’ve successfully tuned out. Since 9/11 I’ve been plugged into the news. It’s either been on in the background or I’ve checked multiple sites throughout the day to see what’s going on. I read all the news sites, and spent a fair amount of time on opinion pieces. I clicked on the fake news and the click bait and I could get lost in the comments for hours at a time. 

Since Trump won the election, I’ve stopped all that nonsense.

It took me 16 years to figure out that reading, listening, learning, researching and having an opinion, didn’t make a damn bit of difference and it was causing me anxiety I wasn’t even aware I was experiencing. 

Think of that frog in the pot of boiling water.

After the election, and especially after the inauguration, I unplugged. I couldn’t listen to the vitriol, the mean spiritedness and the panic, anymore. People were freaking out. Either I was going to freak out with them or I was going to let go and let the elected people do their job. 

At first I was pissed off. I loved all the time I spent online on Facebook, Buzzfeed, and the news sites, and I was resentful that it had become such a horrible place to be. But unplugging had benefits I wasn’t expecting.

With all that free time I started socializing again. Like in person. I met up with friends – in real life – and did things like get some coffee or meet over drinks and laugh and laugh. I took a pottery class, a wood working class and best of all – I started listening to music again.

I even started listening to vinyl records again. 

I’m in heaven not only listening to great music on vinyl, but also finding it. Locating vinyl records isn’t an easy thing in 2017. You can’t go to Musicland or Sam Goody and pick up the latest album like you could in the 80s or 90s. Today, if you want vinyl, you have to go to a used record store to find your favorite new and classic artists. 

My weekends are spent hunting down albums from my youth – Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, The Cars iconic album – The Cars, Back in Black by AC/DC, and my most beloved of all -Damn the Torpedoes by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I’m still looking for Zenyatta Mondatta by The Police, Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, and Van Halen’s Women and Children First, among others. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.

I’d forgotten how wonderful albums on a turntable sound, and I’m hoping my daughter discovers some of these artists and learns the joy of breaking the seal on an album for the first time and then pouring over the sleeve for the lyrics to each song. I’m hoping she learns to listen to an album cover to cover – they way they were meant to be experienced.

So thank you President Trump for helping me let go of the things I have absolutely no control over and rediscovering music. 

Now can you do something about reviving the record store?

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do Writing

Trying Something New – Blogging

March 28, 2017

I blog professionally. I manage and write for 20 + blogs and websites and I follow pretty strict rules about SEO. I ALWAYS create posts that are at least 300 words. I always use the proper keyword density along with title tags, alt tag, headings, etc. The problem is, it makes for crappy writing sometimes, or at least less interesting writing. 

One of the biggest drawbacks of writing for other people is that my blog takes a backseat. I’ve updated my blog 3 times this month and 4 times in February. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about – I do, I just don’t make the time to do it. I’m also tired of writing by the end of the day and I don’t believe I should do my own stuff until I’ve gotten my work out of the way.

I’m not sure that’s the best way to do it, however. I enjoy writing for myself, I have complete editorial control and can say anything I want, using any technique I want. And, I don’t have to follow strict SEO guidelines.

And let’s face it, no one really knows what the search engine algorithm is looking for, it’s all just a good guess.

And I’m beginning to believe a lot of it is bullshit.

Especially for a blog such as this one, no particular niche except “lifestyle”, which is awfully broad. 

Anyway, going forward for April I plan on writing something each day. It might be a short story, or it might be a short sentence. I’m not going to concern myself with SEO, I’m just going to write. At the end of April I’ll take a good hard look at my Google Analytics to see if it makes any difference.

Stay tuned.

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do Food Recipes Things I Really Like

Corned Beef and Cabbage – InstantPot vs Crockpot

March 13, 2017
corned beef and cabbage instantpot vs crockpot

This week’s smackdown is Corned Beef and Cabbage – InstantPot vs Crockpot. I love my InstantPot, I also love my Crockpot. Both are essential kitchen tools for any level of cook. My father gave me a Crockpot when I moved into my first apartment. It was a tiny little thing, big enough to make some dip in I suppose, but I made tiny little chilis and soups in it. It had no settings, you just plugged it in and it was going. The lid was plastic and has long been chewed up by one of the many pups over the years. My father got me lots of Crockpots, I’m not really sure why, but I have several, and I love each and every one of them. The one I use most however, is the one that belonged to my father. 

My dad died before InstantPot was a thing, however I am sure he would have taken to it like a fish to water. He loved using the pressure cooker, loved to explain how the stovetop version worked and was practically giddy whenever sharing the story of his mother blowing one up in the kitchen when he was a child. 

I also love Corned Beef and Cabbage. I love the saltiness of the beef, the sort of soggy yet firm texture of the cabbage. Growing up we always had it on St. Patrick’s Day and it was one of my favorite meals, even if it stank up the house.

Mostly, I love how easy the meal is to prepare. The problem with Corned Beef and Cabbage in the Crockpot (and I really don’t know any other method to prepare it) is that it takes a fair amount of forethought. You can’t just throw together a corned beef and cabbage on the fly, you need 5 or 6 hours. 

I figured there must be a faster way, and the InstantPot seemed like a surefire way to achieve a quick corned beef and cabbage. I Googled around for recipes, actually just cooking settings, and only found ones that were actually rather complicated. In all of the InstantPot recipes for corned beef and cabbage that I found it was always a two step process — cook the corned beef first, remove it from the pot, cook the cabbage.

Sure, we’re down from 6 hours to about an hour, I just really wanted something as easy as my Instant Pot Shrimp Alfredo recipe or my Cheesy Smoked Sausage Hotdish recipe. Both of those recipes take less than twenty minutes to prepare and cook, I was hoping for something similar.

And I never found it so I thought I’d just wing it. And then I though why not do a smackdown between the two? So I did. I prepared two meals using the same recipe.

Corned Beef and Cabbage – InstantPot vs Crockpot

1 Corned beef – rinsed and fat side down (I don’t know if this makes a difference)

1 Cabbage – cut into wedges and placed in vessel

1 Spice packet – many people throw these away and make their own, but that seems silly to me. Throw that packet it!

4 Carrots – sliced

I skipped the potatoes, actually, I never put potatoes in my corned beef and cabbage, is that really something people do?

I added all ingredients to each cooker and set their respective settings. For the InstantPot I set it for 55 minutes on high pressure and I used the slow release method. For the Crockpot I set it on high for 6 hours and forgot about it.

*I stopped taking photos of food inside the InstantPot, it doesn’t look appealing and serves no purpose. 

The Results

Corned Beef

Both tasted great, and they tasted the same. Both were tender and juicy. I couldn’t tell any difference between the two except for color. The InstantPot corned beef was darker. That could have just been a variation of the beef, and no reflection on the cooking. I used two different brands of beef and one had noticeably more fat. It did not change the way it tasted.

Cabbage

The cabbage also came out about the same in each vessel. This actually surprised me. I figured with 55 minutes of cooking at high pressure I might just end up with mush. That didn’t happen. The cabbage pretty much kept it’s shape. The cabbage was also a little darker in the InstantPot. 

Carrots

Here’s where there was a noticeable difference. The carrots in the InstantPot were pretty mushy. They didn’t disintegrate but they were working hard to hold their shape. The carrots from the Crockpot were actually still firm, yet tender. They also retained their individual flavor, whereas the carrots in the InstantPot just tasted like the cabbage. 

While I love the ease of making corned beef and cabbage in the InstantPot, it isn’t something I’ll probably do in the future unless I’m pressed for time. There’s something about a crockpot full of corned beef and cabbage, stinking up the house, that really makes it special.

Speaking of stinking up the house – the InstantPot was no less stinky, it just didn’t go on for so long. However, the silicon ring inside the lid of the InstantPot soaked up all those flavors. This is quite common for anything you make in the InstantPot, so it might be handy to have several on hand. 

All in all, either way works great, the InstantPot version is perfect if you have a hankering for corned beef and cabbage while driving home after a long day at work. While the Crockpot is probably better if this is a Saturday or Sunday meal extravaganza.

If you’ve had success with corned beef and cabbage in the InstantPot, I’d love to hear about it, please share in the comments.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Dumb Shit I Do Pets politics WTF?

The Upside of a Trump Presidency

February 20, 2017
The upside to a Trump presidency

I know everyone is upset about Trump becoming our 45th president. I get it. The upside of a Trump presidency is actually many things believe it or not. Sure, he says a lot of stupid things and he doesn’t appear to know what he’s doing, it’s scary, I really do get it. But think about all that has happened since he was sworn in the past January.

The Upside of a Trump Presidency

We’re getting involved – For the past 8, 12, 16 years we’ve been sort of asleep at the wheel. I can’t remember the last time people were so involved in not just politics but everything. Since the inauguration there’s been a protest practically every other day. 

We’re more informed – I’ve never known so many people to take an interest in politics, current events and anything beyond social media and cat videos. People are actually reading the Constitution, and not just the first two amendments. They’re learning about the 4th, the 9th and the 10th ones as well. People are paying attention and it’s wonderful. 

We’re getting out more – At least, I am. I took a social media break because I couldn’t stand the negativity, and it was one of the best things I’ve done. I’m back on social media, but not as much. I’ve discovered there is a whole other world out there. Since the shit hit the fan I’ve taken a pottery class, I’ve learned how to stain wood, and I’m looking into a mosaics class. 

We’re demanding justice – I’m not always sure what for, but it’s still a great thing. Justice and freedom are two of the cornerstones of what we stand for in America, we’d forgotten than for a while so it’s nice to see this sleeping giant awaken. 

We’re realizing we’re pretty great – Trump’s campaign slogan – Make America Great Again – pissed off a lot of people. The arrogance of it! The thing is, we are great. It just took a buffoon to remind us of it.

I’m a surprisingly optimistic person. I realized this recently when my 14 year old dog started pooping in the house. He’s doing it because he’s old, feeble, stubborn and hates me but mostly because it is too difficult for him to go up and down the stairs to go outside. The upside? There’s less dog poop in the backyard. Sure, the downside is that he’s pooping in the house (and that’s really, really gross and disconcerting) but less poop to clean up in the spring – I’m all for it*.

I’m optimistic, I believe in checks and balances and so far they have been working out. 

*I’m not really comparing a Trump presidency to my dog shitting in the house. 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do How Did We Survive? People politics Things that piss me off WTF?

What I Learned on My Facebook Vacation

February 2, 2017
What I Learned on My Facebook Vacation

Recently I took a little break from social media, and this is what I learned on my Facebook Vacation. I needed a break from social media, but mostly I needed to get off of Facebook. Facebook is where I do most of my socializing. 

Don’t judge, you probably do too, or maybe you’re fond of Pinterest, or you hang out with the folks on Instagram. Doesn’t matter, they’re all the same. None of us actually get out anymore. And that’s too bad because there’s a whole big world of people doing things and NOT arguing about politics or calling each other Nazis or Libtards.

What I Learned on My Facebook Vacation

In my week of self induced banning from Facebook I learned that people in the real world don’t commence a conversation with friends by demanding they unfriend each other because one of them may or may not approve of the other’s opinion – which is really just one of them trying to show all the other people in her timeline that she is bold, brash, right (though not “right” or “alt-right”) and mostly virtuous.

I learned that people can go out together and have fun. They can shop, walk, talk, share a meal, laugh, sing, dance and never, ever mention politics, or mock Steve Bannon’s or Kellyanne Conway’s looks.

We used to be a melting pot but now – thanks to identity politics – we’re black, white, hispanics, women, men, lesbians, gays, transgender, cis something or other, religious freaks, atheists, republicans, democrats (republicants, libtards, republikkkans, fascists, Nazis), white males, white women of privilege (which is apparently not only a joke, but also a huge redundancy). We are every group there is out there, we are different. OMG we are nothing but our differences. 

Except we’re not. We used to be Americans. Those who were immigrating here – they were known as people who wanted to become Americans. 

And in the real world, we’re just people trying to get through this crazy ass amusement park ride together. We’re human. We make mistakes, we dust ourselves off, get back up and try all over again. 

I love Facebook, I’ve met some great people there, but I prefer the real world — where we have to look each other in the eye while we discuss the issues of the day, where the nuances of conversations are not surrendered to emojis and 140 characters. Where we actually care about each other. 

And especially where we aren’t just trying to tear each other down so we can build ourselves up for the approval, or “likes”, from those who have more followers than us.

But mostly what I learned on my Facebook vacation is that we aren’t all assholes (in real life). Some of us, most of us, are actually decent people. Even the ones with whom we disagree (go fucking figure!). 

 

Dumb Shit I Do Food Recipes Things I Really Like

The Best Instant Pot Chili Recipe

January 29, 2017
The Best Instant Pot Chili Recipe

If you’re looking for the best Instant Pot Chili recipe, then you’ve come to the right place. Disclaimer – this is not an authentic chili, this a chili recipe that your kids, and picky mother, will eat. If you throw it on top of some spaghetti noodles you’d have a pretty decent Cincinnati chili, but that’s weird so…  

I make a killer authentic chili too, but that takes a bit more planning and specific ingredients like a nice cut of beef instead of ground beef. This chili, the best Instant Pot Chili, is something you can make with whatever is in your pantry. It is an incredibly forgiving recipe. I used ground beef but you could use ground turkey, ground chicken, diced chicken or skip the meat completely and make it vegetarian. Whatever floats your boat!

I’m listing amounts of ingredients for posterity, use however much you prefer. I love celery and I throw a ton of it in this recipe (it gives the daughter something to do since she has to pick it all out), I also like a lot of garlic and cumin. I eyeball things, rarely measure, and I suspect most of you do the same. 

If you don’t have an Instant Pot yet you can get one here. Seriously, what are you waiting for, get your shit together and get one of these incredible time saving devices! I have the Instant Pot IP-DUO60 7-in-1 Multi-Functional Pressure Cooker, 6Qt/1000W which is about $105, but they make a less expensive version too. The standard Instant Pot IP-LUX60 V3 Programmable Electric Pressure Cooker, 6Qt, 1000W (updated model) is only $79. The only difference between the two is the one I have makes yogurt. The other difference is that the $79 version is back ordered for 2-3 months while the 7 in 1 version is in stock. Wow.

The Best Instant Pot Chili Recipe

What you will need:

1 lb ground beef

3 cups chopped celery

2/3rd cups diced onion (I prefer white onion, but I only had yellow on hand)

4 cans beans (or more or less. I used mild chili beans, kidney beans and pinto beans because that’s what was in the pantry)

2 cans tomato sauce

1 can diced tomato

1 can sweet corn (drained)

Cumin, salt and pepper, chili powder to taste 

5 Hershey’s Kisses (or a small handful of chocolate chips or whatever you have on hand)

Brown the onions and ground beef in the Instant Pot on sauté. Drain fat and return to Instant Pot. Or just use the glass lid for the Instant Pot
to cover and drain. 

Dump all your ingredients into the Instant Pot, give it a stir and set the pressure cooker to Chili, or set it manually for 30 minutes at high pressure. 

Make sure the pressure valve is closed. I really can’t stress how important it is that this is closed. If you leave it open the Instant Pot will not pressurize and you will have just wasted a good 30 minutes, and will need to start over. Don’t ask how I know this.

 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do How Did We Survive? Minnesota Things I Really Like Writing

A Little Song, A Little Dance, A Little Seltzer Down Your Pants

January 28, 2017
A little song a little dance a little seltzer down your pants

This past week Mary Tyler Moore passed away. The first thing that popped into my head, upon learning of her passing, was “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants”. That was the phrase from the eulogy of Chuckles the Clown that got Mary giggling during his funeral. If you’ve never seen it, you can see the scene here, it’s hilarious even without the context.

A Little Song, A Little Dance, A Little Seltzer Down Your Pants

I grew up watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, Maude, Rhoda, Carol Burnett and all those other fantastic shows of the 70s. I was young, 9 or 10 but I knew instinctively that the writing on all of these shows was phenomenal. It never occurred to me that I could write for a sitcom, but I learned a lot about timing and telling a joke from these shows.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show was a show my whole family watched together. Do families even do that anymore? With so many ways to consume television I think the experience has been lost.

When I was a kid the TV was commonly referred to as the Boob Tube. Parents, teachers, scholars, doctors, etc… all believed it was rotting the minds of our children. And it probably was. I know I spent a fair amount of time watching TV. From After School Specials, Saturday morning cartoons, and finally the Saturday night lineup on CBS, I probably clocked in a good 25 to 30 hours a week. I’d have logged more if we had another TV. 

Mary as a trail blazing woman didn’t impact me much. Most of the shows back then had strong female characters who didn’t take any bullshit. They were smart and self sufficient and didn’t expect anyone to take care of them. For me, that’s just the way women were. 

I was more impacted by Mary as a Minnesotan and made the trek to the IDS Center when I was about 14. A couple of friends and I took the bus to Minneapolis to hang out and ride the infamous escalator. Yeah, at 14 we just got on a bus to visit another city – unaccompanied by an adult. Do kids do that today?

Because my mother was pretty much confined to the living room couch, or what we eventually called “The Judy Room”, most of my family memories took place in front of the TV. The characters on these shows were family. 

Mary, Mr Grant, Ted, Murray, Rhoda, Bob, Carol, Maude, Archie, Edith, George and Weezie – all of them had an impact on my upbringing, but it was sitting around with my family, sharing the experience of these shows, that will stay with me forever and fondly.

So thank you Mary, and everyone else, for being part of my family.

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants!

 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do People politics WTF?

The Definitive Trump Gift Buying Guide

January 27, 2017
Definitive Trump Buying Guide

For the next four years we’ve got a Trump presidency. We can either embrace the humor of it, or cower in a corner pretending it didn’t really happen while we drown in vodka or whiskey. However you choose to manage the next four years, this is the definitive Trump Gift Buying Guide. Doesn’t matter if you love him or hate him, there’s something for everyone on this list. 

The Definitive Trump Gift Buying Guide 

1. Gerber Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

This has everything you need to survive the apocalypse after he blows everything up. Kit includes which Gator Machete, Camp Axe II, Gator Machete Pro, Parang Machete, LMF II Infantry Fix Blade Knife, DMF Folding Tanto Blade Knife, Epic Drop Point Fixed Blade Knife, two machetes, one parang, and a hatchet all enclosed in a super durable canvas carrying case with reinforced stitching, the kit is compact and packable.

2. 10 in 1 Professional Survival Kit

Here’s another great kit to help you survive when civilization goes to shit. For those of you on the left survival is a new thing. If you can’t bring yourself to get a conceal carry permit, let alone a gun, this might be the place to start. 

3. Trump Toilet Paper

Trump Toilet Paper for sale

Of course if you’re out in the wilderness surviving, you’re going to need something to wipe your ass with. 

4. Trump Success Eau de Toilette Spray for Men, 3.4 Fluid Ounce

Ever wondered what success smells like? 

About the Product
  • This product is made of high quality material
  • It is recommended for romantic wear
  • This Product Is Manufactured In USA

Sounds like Trump wrote the ad copy for this. 

5. Fuck Trump Herb Grinder

Trump Herb Grinder

To get through the next four years, especially if the apocalypse doesn’t happen, you’ll need something to grind your herb, this one seems fitting.

6. The Trump Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living Through What You Hoped Would Never Happen

The Trump Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living Through What You Hoped Would Never Happen

Don’t despair. Don’t retreat. Fight back.

Before we can successfully engage, we need to be clear about the battles ahead. Stone outlines political and social concepts—including such issues as Civil Rights, Women’s Rights, the Environment, Obamacare, International relations, and LGBTQ Rights—providing a brief history of each, a refresher on Obama’s policies, and an analysis of what Trump’s administration might do. Stone then provides an invaluable guide for fighting back—referring to organizations, people, sites, and countless other resources that support positive and possible goals.

While marches and social media are important forms of protest, concrete actions achieve real change. Positive and reinforcing, The Trump Survival Guide presents the essential information we need to effectively make our voices heard and our power felt.

7. Dump-a-Trump Pen Holder

donald trump pen holder

For those of you who would prefer a less active role in the revolution, but still want to register your disgust – there is this lovely Donald Trump Pen Holder. 

8. A Child’s First Book of Trump

The Trump is a curious creature, very often spotted in the wild, but confounding to our youngest citizens. A business mogul, reality TV host, and now…political candidate? Kids (and let’s be honest many adults) might have difficulty discerning just what this thing that’s been dominating news coverage this election cycle is. Could he actually be real? Are those…words coming out of his mouth? Why are his hands so tiny? And perhaps most importantly, what on earth do you do when you encounter an American Trump?

With his signature wit and a classic picture book style, comedian Michael Ian Black introduces those unfamiliar with the Americus Trumpus to his distinguishing features and his mystifying campaign for world domination…sorry…President of the United States.

9. Donald Trump Life Size Cardboard Standup

Donald Trump cardboard cutout

Honestly, I can think of a million uses for a cardboard cutout of Donald Trump. This is from the description: Perfect For Children’s Birthday Parties, Special Events, School, Corporate Events, Awards Programs, Fairs, Festivals, Galas, Fundraisers And Green/Eco Events… Um, really?

10. Donald Trump Toilet Roll Talker

Trump talking toilet paper roll

FILL YOUR BATHROOM WITH DONALD TRUMP’S VOICE – Prank friends and family with this ingenious Donald Trump toilet paper roll holder that makes your regular toilet paper talk! Just insert it into any roll of toilet paper and PREPARE FOR SOME SERIOUS LAUGHS!

You cannot make this shit up. And it’s in his real voice! How’d they manage that? 

Bonus!!

11.Chia Donald Trump Freedom of Choice Pottery Planter

Donald Trump Chia Pet

It’s not real until they make a Chia Pet out of you. At least his hair looks better. 

Blogging Dumb Shit I Do

Stuff I Haven’t Posted to Facebook

January 26, 2017
Cat sleeping

As some of you may know, I’m taking a break from social media. Specifically Facebook because that’s where I waste most of my time. It’s only been 3 days, but it feels like forever.

I miss everyone and yet I’m really happy staying away. I have had to pop back in for work and have regretted it as soon as I even begin to scroll. I miss you all, I do, but I’m a helluva lot less anxious and I’ve been ass kicking with regard to productivity. I have been getting shit done!

You can take the girl out of Facebook, but you can’t take Facebook out of the girl. 

Or something like that. I’m still thinking in terms of pithy little updates and have started keeping a list of all the things I wanted to post but couldn’t. 

Stuff I Haven’t Posted to Facebook, but Wanted to

Does anyone actually enjoy the go?

I’ve wanted to ask this for a long time, mostly every time I see the damn commercial with the bears. Ugh, I don’t know if it is a brilliant ad campaign or not. Here we are talking about it so I guess it is.

OMG there is a huge fucking spider in my kitchen!!!!

I saw him there last night, though he was much smaller (or possibly there are two), and didn’t think it was necessary to kill it. I was wrong! Now the little bugger is hanging from the middle of the kitchen right where my head goes. Thank God I saw him before walking into him. Why are spiders always male? Yeah, I killed him. I also screamed like a little girl.

Cat feet*

I wrote down “cat feet”, but have no idea why. They’re cute, that’s for sure.

Grilled Cheese 

I had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. 

The Wall

Is anyone watching The Wall on NBC? I only watch it because I miss The Walking Dead and Talking Dead (Chris Hardwick hosts Talking Dead for you non TWD fans). I don’t really pay attention to the show, I’m not sure of the rules, but every now and then Chris will tell the contestants to “drop it”. I presume he is talking about the ball. Oh, The Wall is basically a huge Plinko game, you drop a ball in and it works its way into one of the slots at the bottom worth anywhere from $1 to $1million. Anyway, every time he says “drop it” my dog drops whatever is in her mouth. I also have an urge to drop whatever I am doing because he says it with such gusto, and generally speaking you don’t hear people say that phrase to anyone other than dogs, toddlers, and bad guys. 

How to End a Call

OMG people need to learn how to end a phone call. I have spent more time trying to say goodbye today than any of the actual calls. Here’s a hint, after I say “goodbye” you can hang up, don’t drag it on by telling me to have a good afternoon, or to take care or any of those other niceties. 

Ruby Does Not Like Egg Whites

I’ve always given her the yolks, never the whites of hard boiled eggs. The face she makes as she lets it fall out of her mouth is pretty hilarious. Oh, wait, she’s eating it off the floor. Still doesn’t like it, but doesn’t want anyone else to get it.

I get most of my US news from British Websites

I’m not sure how I feel about this. For the most part the articles are more polite, more concise, just don’t start clicking on the sidebar links – that’s a rabbit hole you’ll never crawl out of.

*I think I figured out what Cat Feet was all about it. It’s in the image above. If you can’t make it out, here’s a different point of view. 

Stuff I Haven't Posted to Facebook

Advice Blogging Dumb Shit I Do Events People politics Send Jen on a Vacation Things that piss me off WTF?

Taking a Social Media Break

January 23, 2017

I’m going to be taking a social media break. Mostly from Facebook since that is where I waste most of my time. I’m doing it for many reasons, the above mentioned wasting time is a big one, but I’m also doing it because it’s not fun anymore. Social media has turned into the Mean Girls table in 7th grade and I hated it then and hate it even more now.

Taking a Social Media Break

Twitter has always been a clusterfuck of negativity, and I am sure Instagram, and Pinterest are getting filled with just as many negative memes if not outright status updates. 

For the most part I have kept my sadness and anger under control when I peruse the status updates of friends and people who update publicly. I’m not a troll and it isn’t my job to educate anyone on the ways of persuasion. I’ve simply had enough.

Stop Being Such Douchebags to Each Other!

People are upset and I appreciate and respect that, but oh my god they are also so very rude, childish and just plain mean. 

This negativity, this aggressiveness, this unpleasantness has been going on for well over a year now, but since the election it’s gotten worse. Since the inauguration, it has gotten out of hand.

“I don’t care who started it!”

Yes, I know, I sound just like my father. 

I know there are important issues that need to be discussed. I get that people are scared and want to do whatever they can to change something… The thing is, I’m not listening anymore. And I’m really tolerant! 

This past weekend I saw women tearing at each other because the appropriate response was not given with regard to the women’s march this Saturday. According to many if you didn’t go you are considered a Trump supporter. That’s quite a leap. I had no idea my lack of desire to participate in an event would lump me in with the deplorables. 

Bittersweet

Social media, especially Facebook, is my socializing. As a single mom, I don’t get out much. Spending some time on Facebook and chatting with friends has always been a welcome way to start the day and wind it down. My time on Facebook was something I looked forward to. Now, it just makes me sad or angry, lately enraged.

And I love you people, but you are being really mean to each other right now and I’m scared. I’m afraid to leave a comment, to engage with other people, because I am afraid my inability to concisely sum up an issue with a pithy comment that is regarded by the majority as correct is lacking. That I can’t say what I want to say without pissing someone, everyone off. 

It Used to be Fun

Listen, I know that social media has never been a place to discuss issues in any sort of meaningful or deep way. Social media comments are like romance novels, you will get down and dirty by page six, or the 6th comment as the case may be. But sometimes, respectful discussions did take place.

These discussions may not have changed any minds, but when respectful they were at least enlightening. Now, it’s just a race to see who can work Hitler or the Nazis into the conversation first. No one actually expects discourse, they just want to get their clever comeback in and then wait for their tribe to hit the like button so everyone knows how influential they are.

And That Pisses Me Off

I’ve tried to reason with social media to no avail so for the time being I’m removing myself from the negativity. Unfortunately, I manage social media for many businesses so I still have to show up. However, I won’t be engaging for a while and as much as possible I will automate my presence there.

That said, I will still be hanging out at my blog and with all the free time I expect will be able to visit those blogs that are actually still blogging. I hope discussion about these interesting times can be had with less snark. If you see me on Facebook – I’m playing Candy Crush or updating a client’s status. I will automate the promotion of any posts here on Facebook and other social media. 

See, I’m explaining myself!! How stupid is that?

I’m sure I will not be gone for too long, probably until TWD returns and all has been righted in the world. I just need to get away from the negativity for a while. Life is simply too short for all of the mean girl bullshit. 

I love you all and I will miss you, but you piss me off too much to stick around right now so I’m disconnecting.